Eastern Religions: Buddhism

The Buddha had curly hair that he tied up in a bun. He also had these weird, droopy ears that no one wants to talk about. You ask Earthlings about it and they just look at you funny. He also must have been pretty lazy because all the statues I've ever seen of him he's either sitting or laying down. And looks half asleep. But maybe preaching really takes it out of you, so I shouldn't judge.

But, going back to Jesus, at least that guy got around. He went to Galilee. He went to Jerusalem. He as a mover. And they didn't have the good sandals like they have now. These were cheap old ones with no arch support. That had to get old pretty quick.

So maybe Buddha was right to stay put.

So, anyway, everybody had to go to Buddha. He just sat in one spot and everyone came to him. Then he would teach them for a little while and then he'd say, "Okay, I'm going to lie down now. Go away."

By the way, Buddha had super powers. He could witness the Earth really well. (I don't know what this means, but it must be important. Earthlings have a lot of statues of it.) He can also detach himself from things, like maybe his arm or a retina, I guess.

What else, what else? Oh! He might have been gay.

That's not a super power, but when he was becoming Buddha, these three hot chicks tried to make him stop, but he wouldn't. So, I think he had the power to become gay so women couldn't tempt him.

I wish I had that. Because women are very confusing. Especially if you like them. And, if they like you, it's even worse. Because then they have the Power to Stumble You. All of a sudden words don't come out of your brain and your hands suddenly have to find something to do, but they don't know what. (Pick this up? No. Pick this up? No. Go in the pocket. Go out of the pocket. Let's arrange papers! - Like that.)

When Buddha was little, somebody told his dad that he would be either a great king or a great teacher. Since teachers don't get paid that well, his dad tried to push him toward kinging.

But Earthling kids always do the opposite of what their parents want, so he took off to become a teacher. He got so lazy that he even didn't eat for a long time. Then he thought, "this sucks." So he ate something. Then he sat under a tree, which is when the hot chicks came, until he figured it all out. Then he told everyone else how to figure it all out until he ate a bad mushroom and died.

You have to be careful with mushrooms. Some are good; some are bad; and some make you see things. (See things that aren't there, I mean.) To be safe, only eat the ones at the store. The ones you just find are iffy. And don't eat the ones your roommate at school has. Better yet, don't eat any of them. They're fungusses. Why would anybody eat a fungus?

Observer003 - Earthlings