On Backs, Poor Design of

They think they were designed by a god. But their backs say otherwise. There's a spot on them that they can't reach, no matter how much it itches. And it usually itches the most of any part. And it grows pimples like the dickens! I've done the contortioniest things trying to get at them. And the worst is when you can just reach the pimple, but you can't get any leverage. Gah!
Why would a god do that? (And they think he loves them.) Gods are weird in general, but this one? I read the whole book. Not the kind of guy you want to be on the bad side of. And they're always on the bad side of him. Believe me, you don't want to be the people he singles out for special attention. Promises, promises! But, man, god forbid you break your side of the deal. I mean, come on, really? Rain of frogs? Frogs! Raining on you. I'll give him credit for imagination. Rain of fire. Pestilence. Locust. I get those. But frogs? Jeezus.




And he always just wears this hospital gown, if anything at all. I guess when you've lived forever you just let yourself go.

I heard Einstein (this really smart guy) had a closet full of the same outfits. So he didn't have to think about what he was going to wear every day. Maybe it's like that. And it's not like he has anybody he has to impress. Angels? Saints? Please. He made them. He can break them. Snap of the fingers.

Anyway, back to body construction. I'll admit, bipedalism it took me a while to get used to. But, now that I have, I kinda like it. They can dance like you wouldn't believe! Kicking, jumping. And the splits! You should see it! Beautiful.

But, this back thing. Forget it. Gotta go. It's not like you can go up to even your best friend and ask him to pop a zit for you. And with women, it's got to be a fourth or fifth date thing. I don't know. I haven't gotten that far yet.