Africa, Cradle of Mankind

Africa is where Earthlings became Earthlings, but after that everything that was ever important to Earthlings happened somewhere else. Africa has been sitting on its laurels for thirty thousand years, easy. It is the high school football star who now works at the convenience store of continents.

It's where Earthlings evolved, and it had the Egyptians, who weren't too shabby. But lately? Nothing. I don't think they even created their own writing there (except the Egyptians).

C'mon Africa. You can do this. Remember the opposable thumb? That was huge. And nobody did walking upright and the domestication of fire like you did.

Is it because the Earthlings left you? Moved on to other continents? Are you feeling used?

Snap out of it. Not all the Earthlings left you. It's time you thought about the ones who stayed. And look at what those others have done. War and environmental degradation? Who needs them.

You think Europe is happy? It looks like a diseased penis with erectile dysfunction. And if Europe is the penis, then Asia is the butt. The butt with a vestigial tail. And all those poopy little islands around it aren't helping. Japan must have been a big fiber day.

I have no idea what North America is going for and South America looks like it's trying to look like you. And failing.

“You mean like this? Is this right?” No. Sorry South America.

Antarctica? Just look at the picture. I don't want to repeat myself.

And Australia clearly isn't trying. It's like a blob land mass fell off the creator's pallet and he didn't bother to clean it up.

Then there's you. The shape of a demon skull. The great, horned beast. Feral and feared. Get back on that horse, Africa. You're time has come again.

- Observer003 - Earthlings