Archeology

Earthlings a long time ago hated housework. They never did it. When Earthling archeologists dig up old cities now, it's just complete slobbery. Broken pottery, cow bones, seeds, statuary. Ashes. Soot. Art supplies. Things fell and they just left them there. And when they finally got sick of stepping all over them, they just built a whole new house on top of the old house.

The Tower of Babel was just hating housework on an epic scale. They built it up so tall it just fell over. There was so much pottery everywhere the ended up having to build a whole new city. Nightmare.

But this all works out good for Earthling archeologists. They dig down into a city to to find all the layers of the city that came before. So, they can say, "See? This is Mycenaean pottery. So this is when they met the Mycenaeans."

So, slobbiness is good for the future. So, why did they start up with all the house cleaning?

It was the broom that stopped them from building house on house on house. I call it "The Broom Revolution." It was huge. (The revolution, not the broom.) Nobody ever talks about it, but it's up there. The wheel. Agriculture. The broom.

Fire was another good one. But the broom. That was huge.

"Hey honey. I'm home from scything. What's - say what's different around here?"

Honey makes a knowing smirk.

"Oh, my god! What's wrong with the floor? Where's all the stuff on the floor?

"Take a look outside."

He does.

"It's all outside. How did you get it all outside? You picked up each piece and carried it outside individually?"

"Nope"

"Well, how then?"

So she showed him. And their world was never the same.

Observer003 - Earthlings

World History - Part I

I'll start with the Egyptians even though they walked funny. Why did they do that? Sideways. Very strange. It's why they always rode in chariots and had to get the Jews to do all the heavy lifting. And when they left, everything went downhill until they got conquered by Alexander the Great, who wasn't Greek.

Anyway, Egyptians. They built pyramids at first but then they stopped. I think they gave up on it because they were like, "Jeezus, all this for one dead guy? We better not have too many dead guys if this is what we're going to do for each one. I mean, I can see doing it for somebody important. But for everybody? Jeezus. That's a lot of rock. Do the Hittites do this? Does anybody know? We gotta look into that."

Nobody really knows how they did it, but some Earthlings think it was aliens. (Not Mexicans. The aliens that come from space. Like us.) Which is nuts, because why would any of us do that? Come all the way here and build a pyramid just so they can put one dead guy in it? I mean, that's a lot of rock. Do you know any of us who would do that? Me neither. Nuts.

It's weird how much they do for dead people. Even more than they do fro alive people. I've sen dead people buried in nicer beds than most alive people get. And they say nicer things and throw nicer parties for dead people than they ever get when they are alive.

Anyway, up next: The Greeks. Or maybe the Hittites. I haven't decided.

Observer003 - Earthlings