You Actually Don't Want To Be Taken To Their Leaders

Politics is when Earthlings try and figure out who has had the least sex with the fewest people, as long as they have had it with at least one, other than themselves or someone the same sex. The person who lies about this the best gets to be leader. This is very weird because when I was going through their educational system, this list of the most electable people would be the list you most didn't want to be on. You wanted to be on the list of the nearly least electable people. (The only less electable people are gays and virgins.) So they tend to elect losers. But not virgins. Or women, even though women in their educational system wanted to be on the most electable list.

Sometimes they get it wrong. This is called a scandal, which is when male politicians who unsuccessfully have private lives have to quit and write a book and go on talk shows. Female ones have to - I don't know. There are so few of them that I haven't seen one have have a scandal yet.

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Talk shows are things where Earthlings talk about how they are so ashamed of something they did that they can't even talk about it. Except with people they don't know so the people they don't know feel good because at least their lives aren't as crappy as this person's. And in between, they sell you soap. Earthlings need refreshing a lot, based on their soaps. And invigorating. And the smell of soap really does this for them! I mean, I've tried smelling soap and it really does nothing for me. But something about Earthling physiology is really zoomed up by smelly soap.

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Politicians can wipe away a scandal by being “born again”. Which is strange, because wiping away a scandal by coming out of a woman again would seem the least likely way to erase all the trouble they got into by going into women to begin with. I guess the idea is that if you convince a woman to let a full grown you climb all the way up inside her and then back out again you must be pretty contrite. They never mention who the woman is that let them do this. I guess because no woman would want the whole world to know how blown out her vagina must be now.